i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
