He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize