i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
