My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
