you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
