So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
