well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
