Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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