I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
