will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
