Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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