plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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