Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize