I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I deserve this hangover.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
