I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize