Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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