My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
