8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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