my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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