Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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