Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
