Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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