piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
