He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
