at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
