We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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