hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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