i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize