I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
