Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
do herpes really smell.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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