Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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