I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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