I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
