Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
