sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
