HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
