We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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