1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
