im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
