Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
