I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
