i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
