She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
