His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
