There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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