Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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