I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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