My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
