a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
