Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
