sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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