the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
