Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
