Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
