I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Two words: blizzard sex
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize