How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
