just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
