and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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