biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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