Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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