your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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