A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
