I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
