So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
