they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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