i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
