I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
