so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
