Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
please come you make the beer taste better
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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