shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
