I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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