He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
