Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
