why didn't you poke me back
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
