Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
